Maltese Roads: What Students Need To Know
Every day, more and more learner drivers appear on our Maltese streets, trying to earn the prestigious and coveted driver's license. Your instructor may teach you all the technical drivel and practical techniques, but the true realities of our bumpy, pot-hole ridden, and tarmacked (most of the time) roads can only be found through word of mouth, or in helpful articles such as this one.
Malta's traffic seems to continually get worse and worse as more roads are being fixed up all at once around our tiny island, congesting the streets with grey Picasso's and blue Vitz's. One of the world's greatest wonders, this spectacle can be seen from space during any rush hour period of the day, between the short hours of 6am to 7pm. Before leaving for any trip, expect being stuck behind a bumper to bumper that should have gotten out of the way roughly 3 hours ago, as they wait for our island's outstanding and brilliant wardens.
Another one of Malta's scourges, finding parking in most places is restricted to garage owners, motorbikes, disabled badge owners, and lucky bastards. If you are going anywhere in the centre of the island, especially if you are trying to park at Uni, your best course of action will probably be to park your car somewhere on the moon and walking it unless you hit the 0.0000001% chance of seeing someone leaving their spot. Car parks are an option, but if you don't feel like giving a kidney and your first-born child for an hour of parking, then happy hunting!
When it comes to these fast cars, the moment you see one coming up in your rear-view mirrors, CHANGE LANE IMMEDIATELY. These cars are not to be messed with. Do not look at them, do not honk your horn or flash your lights at them, do not even acknowledge their existence. They are dangerous and are not to be trifled with, so whatever you do, do not anger these mechanical beasts.
(If you own one of these cars, how do you sleep at night?)
Most sane people on the road trust other drivers as we rely on each other to form a safe and efficient system. Maltese drivers take that trust and throw it in the bin as they take the laws of the road and completely ignore them, using stop signs as suggestions instead of rules to follow. The most common thing to be wary of is indicators. These flashing yellow ornaments serve only as pretty lights to entertain Maltese drivers while stuck in traffic instead of actually telegraphing what the drivers turning intentions actually are.
Food: Pastizzi & Chinese
Popular Activities: Swearing & Eating
Popular Cars: BMW's
Summary: Plan your route away from this place.
Hopefully, you will be that extra bit more confident behind the wheel as you step onto these bustling streets. Always remember that you can only trust other drivers as much as you can trust Maltese politicians.