A Guide To BBQing On The Maltese Islands
A common Maltese Summer activity, BBQing brings all your friends together for a glorious meal as you talk, eat, and get smashed. Having BBQs is always amazing, and nothing ever goes wrong... (he says sarcastically as he sets up a comedic article about all the problems that arise at Maltese BBQs...)
Finding A Place 👀
Before the BBQ can even begin, you need to decide on where you will be cooking all your delicious burgers and sausages. If you have a friend who has nice roof, you can go BBQ at theirs yet this may limit the amount of people who can come. Or you can get a 'permit' (yeah right) and do it on a sandy or rocky beach.
After deciding the place, you also have to think about how you are going to cook your meals. Are you going to use a proper BBQ? Make a bonfire and try to cook it like that? Or maybe buy a crappy disposable, tin-foil BBQ from Tal Lira? The choice is yours.
P.S. Don't forget about the mosquitoes. Prepare wisely.
The Food 🍔
Now that the place is sorted, who is bringing the food? This age-old question still causes confusion and headaches among the masses as they try to answer this mysterious riddle. Is one person going to buy all the food and then everyone pays them or will everyone bring their own food. Either way, you always end up with people who mooch of others' sausages and burgers as they 'forgot' to bring their own food or forget to rsvp.
This also applies to the boozes, so if you are the kind of person who blatantly steals food and drinks at BBQs, how do you sleep at night?
The Ice ❄️
Now that all the prep has been done, it's time to BBQ! Oh shit, wait, where's the ice? Either no one thought about bringing any, or it was forgotten, or there wasn't enough in the first place. At this point in the night, no one wants to admit that they screwed up, so the blame game begins which leads into everyone picking straws to see who has to go and pick up the ice. And, of course, it's you.
The Cook 🍽
Now all that's left is the cook. There are 2 main options for the cooking situation. The first is having one cook which comes at the benefit that you don't have to cook your own food yet you have to accept what the cook gives you, take it or leave it style (I.e. don't fuck with the cook). The second is to cook your own stuff but this could cause a lot of confusion and mess as everyone is using the BBQ to cook their various dishes.
The People 😬
Now that you are having fun eating your meal, you start to realise why you haven't spoken to some of them in a while. Because they suck. You start to wonder how someone could have such a big ego, or be able to talk so much about their dogs for so long, or if this person lives in an age without showers and personal hygiene, or why they think it's relevant for them to tell you why they are vegetarian/vegan.
With so many types of people that seem okay but, as the conversation evolves, slowly make you want to teleport to another country; be careful who you invite.